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Friday 15 January 2010

You turned up one day on my doorstep. Just like that. The bell rang and my heels clicked across the hallway to answer. I gazed down upon you, trying for the life of me to imagine what you could want. The time was half past midnight and I hadn't even began to think about sleep. My conscience was eating away at me, all I wanted was some alone time . You were the last thing I expected to turn up.

Wearily I led you in to the sitting room. I plumped up the old purple cushions embroidered with flowers and gestured to you to sit down. I wanted to turn you away. I wanted just to slam the door in your face like I would to a door sales man, but that would be like closing a door to my past. Trapping my emotions in a room and locking them up for ever.

Stirring my tea with a plastic stirrer I sighed heavily. I watched you taking small sips and waited for some kind of explanation. I blew heavily on my tea. A sigh escaped my lips and I looked down into the tea. I needed to say something.

"So what brought you here tonight?" I asked with a tinge of annoyance in my voice.

The woman cleared her throat, "I'm sure you don't need me to answer that question Anita."

"I'm sure I do" I replied. It was no use, the realisation was evident in my voice. My eyes looked tired as if they had seen to much in this lifetime. I took the fragile woman's hand in mine. She stared into my eyes, her watery pale blue eyes digging deep into my soul.

"Why can't you just admit that mistakes happen?" I muttered. "Both of us were just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"You can keep believing that if you wish." She said in the type of voice that makes the very core of you wobble like jelly.

"When you decide to grow up and behave like an adult maybe you will take the duster out of the closet and brush the dust of your delusional memories. But until then the fact isn't going to go away."I looked down, trying to free my self of the grip she had over me.

All of a sudden I burst of anger exploded inside me.

"It wasn't me who killed her, Julia. It was you. Don't talk to me about hiding from the truth."

"You said it yourself, we were both in the wrong place at the wrong time."

Like a cloud in the summer sky, the memory drifted back into my mind. It was a cool spring morning and everything seemed perfectly normal. I had just dropped my son off at his boarding school after an enjoyable week together. I was running low on food supplies and Gracie needed some new clothes so decided I would go to the shopping centre.

I felt exhausted and needed a coffee. I dumped my bag on the seat next to me and sipped, deep in thought.

And then the bomb EXPLODED.

Children's screams vibrated in my ears. Babies wailed. The shopping centre was in havoc. Bodies lay littered on the floor. I was running for the exit before my legs had even be told to by my brain. But then Julia's place solemn face caught my eye. She was the only one not screaming or running for the exit. She looked pale. I stared at her for a few seconds holding eye contact for just a fraction.

She leaned her back to the door and slid down to the floor. Eyes shut she looked almost as if she was deep in sleep. I ran to help her. She would not wake up. Mustering all the strength I could I lifted her up and ran out the door with her in my arms.

I lay her down on a pile of jackets and raised her legs. I waited for her to awaken. Slowly her eye lids flickered open and she repeated a name.

"Aimee. Aimee. Aimee I killed Aimee."

"Go back. fetch Aimee."

I whispered gently to her, "We cant go back in there."

My mind was churning over all the things I had seen. Who was Aimee? what did Julia do to kill her?

Little did I realise just how tangled up in this mystery I was to become.


To be continued.....

Saturday 9 January 2010

Ode:To The earth - attempt



Beautiful earth, I question why you flair up with rage creating the greatest hurricane.
Why you flash with temper to create such beautiful lightening.
When you feel happy you smile down on us, blinding us by your bright teeth.
When you love us you shine for us, when you hate us you try to wash away our sin.
You never deny us the right to beauty, you never pretend to ignore our prayers.